I walked in that school believing nothing will ever move my heart out of my cold-sarcastic senses...I felt so lonely and scared seeing new people grabbing my rationality and twisting it to desperation. Every morning I woke up looking at my disorientated face...blowing my daily tears off and praying God make me pass through the black-one-more-day of my life. Surrender was all I thought could ever save my existence…but I was truly wrapped up in wrong.
I can remember the minute I saw your face measureiting my entire body. I felt your straight look inside my mind, and I smiled and ran up the stairs as I was trembling with pleasure of resemblance. You were just like I used to be…As I got home I painted my smile with ice-cubes and carried my beloved “treasure” with a sad, poisoned gratitude of still being alive. I guess you’ll never know…how is to feel that hell’s got all over and you can do absolutely nothing but silent scream and burn. Somehow…you were still messing up my minds with peace.
Days past by as fast as blossoms, and your voice was there to stay. Everybody was looking at you when you talked. You were that new joy, that crazy brand of adrenaline from monotony…You, my loved, were madly fascinating. There were more rumors concerning you then I ever heard before, but you didn’t even blinked. You knew what you were…you knew what you wanted to be seen like...so I never saw you like you wanted to.
I could barely keep my soul inside my beating-box-chest when you turned around and said: you’re right! May exaggeration excuse my impulsivity but I felt like in that very moment my blood started running in my veins after years. I was the girl among others who got to be right upon your devilish-beautiful eyes.
The night…oh, the unbearable night, when I couldn’t see you or just zip your words with deep care…And then the day…oh the ungrateful day whom never allowed me do what I wanted to…I was restricted by my cruel-selfish thoughts to hug you, touch you, kiss you. Frustrating.
And yes…my perfect stupidity carried me out to dating an irrelevant piece of human, who was nothing more and nothing less but the portrait of pure loss of inspiration and secure disappointment. But had nothing more to lose as you were hold by someone’s hands too.
“US” just felt impossible. And I felt disgust for myself and I, in my journey to : land of losing someone special .
It is unbelievable and not for you, my sweet, as for I, who suddenly from iceberg to island got irrevocably in love with you. It was the second when I burst into tears of happiness because I realized I was not dead I was alive for as much as anyone can be and I was able to feel that powerful feeling for you. LOVE.
I was capable of crawling among the solid, dirty ground just to make you feel the same…I start realizing that anyone who stood beside you was worthless to be there and it instantly becomes my passive enemy.
Somehow…you felt in love with this piece of old messed up garbage, and made it be sort of shinny gold again. And what I feel for you…it is not obsession it is love…and not just love, but gratitude and respect…and love again. And if that seems to be overwhelming then I’ll just back up and set you free.
Until the sun will end up frozen… Until the moon is all of cheese…Until the rain will dry the wetness…Until the sky will kill the dreams...Until the stars will fade in sorrow of never seeing light of day… For you my love I’m here to stay.
And I can sometimes misjudge your actions, and feel harmless hatred for some from your pass, but I am only doing this because I want this to last… I may not know how to love right, I may not know what you need or like… But I know that no matter what , I’ll never ask back for this words….and at goodbye…I’ll wave my hand and wipe my tears and just remember… the way we knew to keep feelings grow… And it will be the end of life… as we knew it together.